As a young girl, reading the book of John, I thought that John was very arrogant to call himself "the disciple whom Jesus loved." I thought that he must have thought very highly of himself to say that. I also found it strange that he never called himself by name, but rather only and always referred to himself in this way.
But now that I am older I understand that John was not being arrogant, but rather very humble.
I see now that John identified himself as being loved by Jesus. That WAS his name. He understood, in a way that only one who has "reclined beside Him," can understand, that to be loved by Jesus is to be loved wholly. To be loved by Jesus, is to be loved as if you are the only person in the world. In this, I think that John understood that Jesus can love each person completely with all that He is.
I think about that scene, John laying down, his head resting on Jesus' chest, and I just feel such a longing for heaven. But I know even now, that this sort of joy and peace is possible. No matter the storm, no matter the circumstances, my identity stands. No matter how far I wander away, no matter who may come into my life... This will remain. I will always be The Girl Whom Jesus Loved. The girl who He loves, always.
I am writing this new blog as a sister blog to Dark, But Lovely, which is a place for me to be real and let out all my messy thoughts, confusions, frustrations and thoughts on God.
This new blog is a place for me to write my praises, triumphs, and thoughts on God. I hope to be just as real, but to have a place where I can explore what it means to have my identity firmly placed, reclining beside Him.
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